One syllable at a time

When Steve got back home; he was in for a bad shock. His nan was slumped in the hall with a noose around her neck. She was sat on a chair with what looked like slit wrists.
"Nan?"
That was all he could say and he said it more and more.
"Nan, nan, nan, nan!"
"What!?"
Steve was shocked once more. Through his tear stained eyes; his nan was stood in front of him, and she was not a ghost
"What are those tears for you wuss? You look like a loved ones just died. Was it your aunt Jess? I warned her not to take that job in Greece."
"No nan no ones dead. I thought you were."
"Why the hell would i be dead!? I've got a good eight teen years left in me at least!"
"I thought youd killed your self!"
"Why the hell would i do that!? What has the world come to when a poor old girl such as moi cant take a nap with her neck fix on and her wrists dipped in ketchup?"
"I thought you had hung your self!"
"What made you think that!?"
"The noose around your neck!"
"In case you didnt know you have to tie the other end of a noose to a place high up! And this is not a noose! Your the third guy who's said it is.
"And why do you have ketchup on your wrists!?"
"My beauty time is none of your bees wax."
"Why are you even here!?"
"Thats just like you to go to your nans house and ask why shes there! what were you going to steal from me eh!?"
"This is my house!"
"Youre going to steal my house!?"
"You live two streets down!"
"So now you'll kick your own nan out of her own house!"
"Its not youre house i have the deed up stairs if you need proof."
"So now my law mans helping you."
"Law man!?"
"You should know him its clear he helped you."
"What's a law man."
"Those men i used to sue those cow boys last week."
"Oh for gods sake that was the film on film 5 last week."
"Why did you bring up films."
"I didnt."
"Well just 'cause you hate films doesn't mean i do."
"I never said i hate films."
"I think youre a bit mixed up sweet ill go home and give you time to rest."
And with that Steve's nan left through the back door and went the long way home, leaving steve with a dazed look on his face.... For the third time that week.